We Can and We Will

February 2, 2020

To my children,

I woke up with some thoughts running through my mind and wanted to share. Late last night I received a text from Garret letting me know that Kyra had taken Kal to the ER because he was having a difficult time breathing. I had been in the middle of that semi-comatose state we all experience in between the time of being awake and being fully asleep, and it’s always miraculous to me how a simple text can fully wake you up in less than a second.  I literally hit the ground running and I slipped on sweats, threw my hair in a ponytail, grabbed my car keys and raced down the hill. There were no second thoughts of if I was even needed. A mother’s mind can easily go from 0 to Axe Murderer in 10 seconds and this is what I knew: Garret had to be home with Rand and Kyra was alone with Kal in the ER -- if things went downhill I did not want her to be alone. So in my head I was needed.....somewhere. Tests were run, everything was normal, and they went home.

When I woke up this morning, I had some time to ponder on the night’s events and my mind went to how fast I flew to run to my daughter. And I thought of other times I had  dropped everything for any of my kids and ran to them in times of need. My heart is filled with the love for my children and I would do almost anything for them if they asked.

And then another random thought popped into my head, “How come you don’t do the same for Jesus?”  That stopped me in my tracks.

The Savior of the World, my personal Redeemer, Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Eternal Friend. The Christ who runs to me and succors me in times of need, never failing. Why do I find it so difficult to do what he asks? Why isn’t my relationship with Him such that I would drop everything to do what He asks?  He asks me to keep his commandments, and so my mind went to the commandment I have the most difficult time keeping, the one that is foremost on my mind and plagues me week in and week out.  Did I not love Him as much as my children?  What is blocking me and stopping me from willingly obey this one thing?

A few hours later I received an insight.  I am a lover of words, and on my vanity is a collection of note cards with quotes that are motivating and inspirational to me. My quote this past week was “I can . . . and I will.”   When I glanced at this card this morning, a thought entered into my head, “How about WE CAN and WE WILL?”   And my whole paradigm changed in an instant.  In many areas of my life, I try to forge ahead alone, be proactive on my own, do all I can on my own, obey on my own. I know where that thought came from – and it was Christ’s simple invitation that I yoke myself with Him, include Him, walk with Him, learn from Him and listen to Him as I strive to be obedient with this one thing. Jesus has been a part of my journey in many other areas, and it just never occurred to me to include him in all areas. In my head I was keeping this temporal issue separated, sort of like church and state.

Because I’ve struggled for so long with this issue, it’s no surprise that discouragement has plagued me for some time. For the first time in a long time, I felt hope that I (we) really could grapple with this issue and put it to rest. There are so many other areas of life where I would like to put my time and attention to, but this one issue has been a time-consuming, ugly apparition hanging over my head, sucking out hope. It’s felt like binding chains and I truly feel “delivered” in a way . . . . just by this paradigm shift. Nothing has happened yet, but I am filled with hope knowing who my partner is.

As if I didn’t get the message deep enough, another tender mercy manifested itself in the opening song in my church meeting this morning. We sang “I Stand All Amazed” and certain phrases rung out with clarity and seemed pronounced:

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,

Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.

I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine

To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,

That he should extend his great love unto such as I,

[I am] Sufficient to own (to be his), to redeem, and to justify.

Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?

I could barely get through the song for the tears that clouded my eyes. Words that I’ve now sung for decades, rang true as He drove home the message: He proffers His enabling power (grace) to help me because I am enough.

And another manifestation of God’s love happened after the meeting. The chorister came up to me and told me that they weren’t supposed to sing that song this week. It was on last week’s agenda, but whoever put together the program mistakenly put another hymn, so it was bumped to this week.  For me.

In our day and age, we think of the word “confused” as meaning that we don’t understand something. However, in the author’s day and time of the hymn, the word "confused" was also used to express awe and wonder.

I am awed and in wonder at the grace that He so fully proffers me.

Love,

Mom

A Book and Running Into Christ

January 19, 2020

To my children,

A new year! A new year to start afresh and try to be a better parent to you kids. In my studies this week from the Book of Mormon, Lehi caught my attention in his dream of the tree of life when he “beckoned” to his family. It made me stop and wonder, how do I beckon to my children? I really have good intentions to share some insights with you as I learn/remember the wisdom I’ve been taught. I didn’t do so well last year with my intentions to write and I want to be better. I hope to be better. One of my goals this year is to focus and make room for the things that matter the most to me, and writing letters to you kids is one of those things I feel strongly about.

As we witness in Lehi’s dream, family was important in this journey. This life was not meant to trudge through alone, and I want to make this journey with you – not ahead of you, not behind you. I used to think that Lehi’s dream of the tree and the path and iron rod was a linear experience – we get to Mile 10, then Mile 20, then Mile 50 and eventually we get to the tree. Now my belief is that it is more of a fluid experience. I can look back on my 51 years and at different times find myself at several places in the dream: clinging to the rod attempting to make my way through Satan’s temptations, looking longingly at the great and spacious building, partaking of the fruit and being filled with joy, blinded by the mists of darkness, on the path but not holding very tightly to the rod of iron, wandering in strange paths, and yes, even finding myself in the river of filthy water. Whichever way you learn, from others or from the school of hard-knocks, I hope that what I share is of value and that it is received in the spirit of how it’s given – in love and invitation to taste what I have tasted.

DISCLOSURE FIRST: My experiences are my own, but I do listen to a lot of podcasts, read conference and devotional talks and read books. Insights I share are most likely not my own, but I share them with you because they made an impression on me and the ideas wouldn’t leave my mind until I wrote them down.

Two things I’d like to share at this time:

(1)   Lehi’s second vision was of a man in white coming down from heaven with 12 others. He handed him a book. He didn’t talk to him at all, but “bade him to read.” If we liken the scriptures to ourselves, isn’t that what we are asked to do from Heaven – to read from a book?  Jesus Christ, the greatest teacher of the universe, asked his apostles to write down his words. And He still does today.  This tells me that what we’ll find in our canon of scripture and in the words of the living prophets is what we really need. All the answers are there. All the healing is there. All the direction is there. He invites us to read. You may not like reading, but we all can. "There are worse crimes than burning books. One is not reading them." [Joseph Brodsky].  We can all read one verse every day. As we follow this simple instruction, the Holy Ghost will draft, craft and provide the messages we need to hear. I've had too many experiences where these messages have jumped out at me in a time of need. His voice is clear. His voice is real. I invite you to hear what He has to say to you. 

(2)   When Lehi’s family stopped to camp for awhile, they did so in a valley with a river running through it. Lehi says to Laman, “O that thou mightest be like unto this river, continually running into the fountain of all righteousness!”   The “Fountain of all Righteousness” is another name for the Savior.  What if we were the ones “continually running into” Jesus?  At school, at the post office, scrubbing the bathroom, at the grocery store, at our jobs, in the halls at church, in the kitchen, on the street, at the gas station, at the library, driving beside him on the freeway, folding clothes, in our ministering? What would our lives be like then? Just something to think about. I believe we can invite Him to be more part of our lives as we wake up and first hit the floor with our knees. Then as the day progresses, we can include him in decisions and strive to live in a way to have the influence of the Spirit in our lives to be guided, directed and led. He wants to walk beside us, but the decision is totally up to us.

I love to read the holy scriptures, and every time I do, I feel the Spirit start to grow within my heart, a testimony that they're true. Someone else's words -- but my testimony all the same. I also know what it's like to walk with Jesus, and it's a far better place than walking on my own. May you continually run into Him.

Love,

Mom

Giving credit where credit is due - my thoughts were influenced by the "Don't Miss This" podcasts and "Teaching with Power" podcasts.